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For years, the weight of the world sat upon Buffy Summers' shoulders. And it seemed not even activating all the Potentials in the world and making them Slayers too, really changed that. Sure, Buffy managed to get a break from the world for a little while after Sunnydale found itself all cratery, but eventually all the traipsing around Europe turned into a search for more Slayers. All the fun Buffy got to have, just living a supposed normal girl life (with only a little bit of slaying put into the mix, which was a change from the way things usually were) catching up on her shopping, going out to random clubs and actually meeting people, it ended almost way too abruptly. Their time in Rome had their operation turning into a sort of school for the new Slayers, and some of them were even trained to be her. The small, blonde ones, who had even a hint of looking like her (they then used glamors to have the girls really look like they were her) were sent off to resume the fun that she'd been having, living the life she should be living herself. The only reason Buffy went along with it, was because the others told her it was needed for her safety. For her safety, these girls were made to pretend to be her. So she could do as she was supposed to. Train the new girls, get them ready for a war that was brewing. It wasn't like The First would stay dormant forever, after all. It turned out that Hell was erupting in Los Angeles, and they all found themselves heading there instead, engaging in the war that Angel had started with the Senior Partners of Evil, Inc.
And somewhere along the way, the operations of Buffy and co eventually moved to LA for good, deciding that they could do more good in the City of Angels for a little while, before splitting off into groups in Cleveland and in other locations around the world. That weight never really shifted off her shoulders, even with the added fighters around them - Angel's team, which, to her surprise included a very much alive (or, still undead, to be more accurate..) Spike, but she did really well with the whole faking thing. Faking like continuing to put a halt on the life she'd been looking forward to, of not being the one and only Chosen One, being able to do the other things in her life she wanted to do, like she was fine with playing the role of commander to a bunch of scared little girls. That she wasn't cracking under the pressure. Like she didn't want to snap at any given moment, and maybe make a run for it. It was okay when she was alone, because she had a moment to breathe, to at least.. exist for a little while, without thinking about war tactics, or having to make some stupid speech to rouse things within the girls that were scared beyond belief and some of them, they just wanted to go home. To live their lives.
Her moments alone usually, they happened to be when she would walk throughout the city, hoping no one was tailing her, because Slayers still weren't all that popular amongst demons and other baddies, and with the amount of them, the knowledge of them was starting to spread out into the rest of the world, so 'normal' people were starting to learn about them too. And they were scared of them. And one of those moments alone, just the other night, involved her fighting a demon. It was an average fight, really. Nothing too big. Just the usual monster mash, even if afterward she felt a little.. weird. Maybe it was the fact she was seriously not loving the role of having to play leader right now. That whenever things seemed to be getting just a little normal for her during her little Slay-cation, they had to move again, and she was thrust back into the role of commander and she didn't want it right now. There were probably thousands of Slayers now. But everything still fell down to her.
After her little run in with the demon, Buffy woke up feeling.. different. Maybe she really did wake up in Bizarro World. The world where everything she used to think, was no longer. No longer did she really care about the whole good vs evil thing. Or at least playing for the side of good. She wanted to play for her own side. Do things her way. Stop playing by the rules of someone else's game, the game that the Watchers Council put her into, trying to manipulate her every move. Whatever it was, something had snapped in her brain. Maybe she really did finally snap from all the pressure she was under. Decided that she didn't want to be the good girl anymore. She was sure that these things always happened to the repressed types. The ones who were put under so much pressure by everyone around them, that they eventually decided they had to get away, and somehow make a break for it. This was her way of making a break for it.
One would think that someone with an awakened blood lust would decide to go out and just start killing the first people who got her in way, but.. instead, Buffy decided she would go see if she could find someone who would maybe share in her fun. Pretty much the only person who didn't make her feel suffocated lately with demands and expecting things out of her. He always did say that she belonged in the darkness with him, after all. Even if he was all lame and soul having now. Maybe she could change that for him. Or maybe he could just find the joy of the kill even with the soul. He was different from her brooding ex, after all. That was why she didn't go to the original Vampire with a Soul. Because unless she turned him to Angelus, there was no way she'd be having any fun anytime soon. And she had a feeling that Angelus would probably want to end the world again or something equally as stupid, and all she wanted to do was.. see it on its knees. Forget ending it. She just wanted it to be her own personal playground. Complete with people screaming in terror and begging for her not to kill them. So she seriously hoped he wouldn't start in with that 'You're better than this' crap, because, ugh. She didn't want to hear it. And not to mention it was lame.
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